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Full commentary available on Patreon: www.patreon.com/cosmonautvarietyhour
BUY A SHIRT: teespring.com/stores/cosmonaut-variety-merch-store
Twitter: twitter.com/cosmovarietyhr
This videos are fucking gold. But just one note, kristen Stewart is actually a great actress, maybe the best of her generation. Clouds of sils Maria, personal chopper. She won a fucking cesar, first american actress to have it
This is the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode
I want a movie, of just you guys being the weirdest fucking vampires in all of reality. This series made me laugh so much just because of your commentary.
Legit yeets a kid lmaooooooo
Hayley Williams cameo ❤️✌️
I've watched this video like three times already, and 21:05 still cracks me up
Yall are so funny but cry racism SO MUCH 😂
8:59 holy s**t look at his feat, those legs are way too long
14:08 Am I tripping or is that the FNAF 3 ambient noise??????!??!!??!!
17:00 bruh, don't call me out like that
I swear it said this movie was directed by Bill Condom
Ha I’m not Kevin
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT MUSIC THEY USED FOR THE WEARWOLVES IS
A scene of the main character’s spine being broken, her womb being bitten into, and her nearly dying of these things, all of which happened onscreen and made me physically wince... *AND THE CGI BABY IS WHAT MAKES YOU SICK?!?*
So much of this series was cringe even when I read them as teenager. They're even more cringe now. "Renesmee" what kind of drunk 17 year old came up with that shit. And honestly I didn't even second guess vampires being fucking marvel mutants tbh. But yeah that shit is crazy too. Stephanie Meyer is awful.
Anybody else with the name kevin that shit scurred me
Jacob imprinting on the baby is the ultimate harry-snape fanfiction prove me wrong
7:10 FACTS. FACTS.
2:57 “Mom says it’s my turn on the Xbox”
While Bella's pregnant, why can't they just turn her into a vampire? Like, is there any fricking reason?
Is Stephanie Meyer not aware that hat sometimes people get carried away during sex and some bruises are common? Like, I'm a virgin, but even I know small bruises are bound to happen during sex.
I watch this 3 videos every damn time im sad and I always laugh so much at all the jokes.
1. Politics dont need to be involved. You're blatant racism and virtue signaling isnt wanted. 2. You mocked someone for not wanting to kill another person. Cool. 3. You're girlfriend is extremely stupid and needs to stfu.
Huh???
1:59 he gives me harry with the binoculars vibes from spiderman 3 That's usually a good thing but in these movies...
Is there a Kevin in the audience who shat his pants when the fourth wall broke
Yup
JACK SAINT JENNY AND MARCUS???
Watch What we do in the shadows for better vampires xD
Charlie really is a DILF
Breaking Dawn Part 1 is just that one Mean Girls quote: “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant, and die.”
15:13 Why does this line sound like fucking Andrew Garfield?
Andrew Garfield is also English.
The coolest scene in the saga is the one Stephenie Meyer didn’t write
11:10 I'm indigenous and I'm fine with that stereotype.
24:57 ITS HONEY BOO BOO, ITS ALL I SEE
This is some of the best jokes I have ever seen for this.
Wait so do all vampire human hybrids have cgi faces- is that just a thing?
My buddy and I made a tradition of watching these in the theater and every time was a great time. We snuck in a case of beer for the last one and handed a bunch out to the miserable boyfriends around us. This series really was lightning in a bottle.
17:01 Kevin is shitting his pants rn
I saw the Nintendo switch bro
She looks like Pete Davidson
You said he was gonna be bruce wayne and damn right he was casted. Lmao
This was after that was revealed
why was his editing on point for this video lmao
29:33 he’s a water bender confirmed
That laugh at 2:42 and 28:36
2:09 He’s gonna be a good Bruce Wayne! God I sure hope so
I’m very disappointed in this movie. Edward never said, “I’m vengeance”
I think Jacob Black got a lot cringier after he cut his hair. Like, he had a little of that going on before, but he went full r/niceguys afterward. Holy shit. Also, I think I need to go to the hospital for surgery or something because that line at 17:35 was so cringe it gave me a fucking ulcer.
I realized that these twilight picture shows are my comfort videos. If I don't know what to watch I'll watch these.
those gifts were fucking awesome!
Bella's happy to a chandelier too like Edward
7:32 "That's nothing" lmao let's go I guess
you HAVE to watch What We Do in the Shadows, it is literary the funniest movie have I have ever seen
Everybody says Kristen Stewart is a bad actress but since she managed to pull of the "you nicknamed my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster" line she deserved an Oscar
I know I'm late but here in south america we have a lot of legends about werewolfs, the seventh son (i mean if you have son after son until the seventh) is cursed and has werewolf blood lol my uncle is one and he always jokes about becoming a lobizon at night, also if you have 7 girls the last one (the seventh duh) is a witch, you can have magic or just like alice you have premonitions, indigenous culture is soo fun y'all don't even know
"but he still pro life" *Bella gets pregnant* Edward: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ lest kill that demon
I mean... they should have.
28:33 Marcus turns into Matt Christman
I'm glad at least one other person here listens to chapo, thank you unnamed hero
It’s quite an insult that Stephanie Myer actually tried to make it bigger as the books went along when the main focus was always this boring romance
What's worst is that EVERYONE ELSE would have had a more interesting story than Bella & Eddie.
Watching this little series made me realize Jacob Black was at one time American pop culture’s most well-known simp.
True that.
You left out the best part when Mike said "Spinal."
wait they predicted the future they said edward would make a good batman and the actor for edward is playing batman in the new batman movie
Yeah this has been known for like 2 years so they definitely knew at this point lmao
He'll be a great Batman, I'm sure. He has a talent for playing dangerous and mentally disturbed people.
They already new at this point :)
23:35 Is it just me or does Marcus’s laugh sound like Belloq in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK? I’ve honestly had to pause and just watch clips from better movies to get through even these reviews of TWILIGHT. (Both the in medias res running gag and the “Monkey Man” thing had me thinking of GOODFELLAS, the birthing scene made me think of ALIEN and PULP FICTION, now I’m at RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.)
*WARNING ULTRA-MEGA SIMP CRINGE AHEAD* Bro I wanted to watch your video and laugh my ass-off as usual, but Veronica is just too beautiful and its distracting me hella much. I could watch her alone for 40 mins instead, if you know what I mean ;) 4 realzies though if she's looking for a boyfriend or something I'm totally down boyy! I mean yeah sure it would be a long distance thing, but we could make it work, we could run away and be happy together!! And anon i shalt await thy answ'r mine own fair lass
This has to be satire what
There seems to be a problem where my comments get deleted, I'll just post them over and over
@God, I'd like my ticket to hell now please ^^
@Coolman42night you're the definition of incel dude keep those thoughts to yourself
Listen when I made that twitter account and @mentioned V-GG I did it with the pure intention to be funny and to pbly get some nudes. I though it was a woman and I got a little excited, can you blame me? Anyway it was a little fucked up though when I @ed the black guy and their trans friend too, but I was extremely polite and they were bigoted, ignorant and rude! Thy didn't even try and converse with me, straight up got offended and took it all personal lol. I mean chill dudes am I right? Lets talk men to men. So anyway I still fapped to Veronicas pics, baby u hot as fuck gimme that man-booteyh❤❤❤
11:18 Don't worry man, we actually learn about Vampire Pregnancy here in Brazil, usually at high school
Here in Argentina we had to take that course right after our daily Tango & Seduction Class.
who is the blonde girl?
"The cosplayers are coming" got me wheezing
9:20 LMFAO IT'S THE HOT WIDOW FROM THE SHRIMP FARMER PLANET IN THE MANDALORIAN
"Did Stephenie Meyer at no point think to herself, 'this is fucking strange?'" I mean in her AdultTM romance book (the Host) the romance is between a 26 year old love interest... and a STILL SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD lead. So. Y'know.
IT SURE IS! (Addendum in advance: I talk a lot, whoops! Pay my babbling no mind if you don't want to, I just like talking to myself about such things :B) But at least (?? if you could call it that; wtf @ myer's relationship choices In General) she TRIES to hide it with Thermian Arguments and preexisting lore about lack of aging and "only being what they need" and not TEEEEECHNICUHLY ~having~ to be romantic/sexual... when we've only ever seen romantic imprinting, it's TREATED as a romantic gesture, SHE [myers] treats it as romantic, and never does anything to avoid it. Or, no, rather - at least because it banks on such (relatively) high fantasy elements, much in the same way Edward is "permanently 17/17 for 100 years, not 117", it's way LESS likely to feed into normalizing such fucked up age gaps than the much MORE common "teenager and 20 smth" Like! It's still fucked!! As FUCK!! But at least the fantasy elements in Twilight, if you read Twilight ALONE, /COULD/ give you room to give her benefit of the doubt and say it's just a weird, unfortunate implications asspull. Whereas the VERY mundane/grounded setting of the Host makes it... so much more uncomfortable, as well as clear HOW into such things Meyers is. If that makes sense :p
Oh, ok. ...But an 18 year-old guy and a CGI infant is still kind of a big jump to wave off, to me.
3:16 5:30 5:50 5:57 7:06 8:07 8:55 10:27 11:10 11:50 13:24 13:50 14:04 15:45 17:35 17:54 19:32 19:53 20:07 27:03 28:35 31:42 35:03 36:12
Thank you, actually.
I don't know if it's because I had my first time when I was young, but I found it silly how Bella was getting very mushy and acted like her life has changed when thinking about her first time. My partner and I were very happy but I didn't feel like a changed person.
Same. Completely agree.
Being brazillian and watching the part of the movie where is on Brazil is just so fucking funny
23:34 Hell yeah
I have not watched the movies nor have I read the books. Watching all three videos one after another was a wild ride. What the actual fuck is this series even.
holy shit, I've literally never heard Jacob's voice in all the reviews and clips and shit I've ever seen, wtf is up with his high pitched whiny voice.
around the 32 minute mark they sound like if borat was a vampire and i started choking on my food
When Veronica words were censored after the "I want you to choke me" part, I was laughing my head off. XD
When he said "he's still pro life" about Edward at 2:28 Edward at 11:55 "Carlisle will get that thing out"
Bella and half of the Cullens... and the overall movie IS pro-life, however.
Some guy at home named Kevin just got his mind blown
Can confirm that they teach you how to viciously hunt with your bare hands during your acting education.
I hate how everyone in the comments is saying "liTeRalLY" for everything. I'm literally screaming I'm literally dying This is literally so awesome Blah stfu blah blah
@Conor Meehan I've started intentionally buttering it when I say it lmao
That word is literally overused
That word should really start being used the way it was intended to be, honestly.
it was the fact that indigenous amazon people were black and wearing native american clothing for me
whats the thing where they're talking to jenny nicholson?? a podcast? 24:41
20:27 He: Oh no, ho no, oh no She: Oh yeah This cracks me up 😂😂😂
When they look at the camera and said kevin, it honestly scared the shit out of me cause my name is kevin lmao
heyyyy vampire diaries is bad but i still love it lowkey lmaoooo
Vampire Diaries is campy but way more fun than the Twilight saga!
The girl with the green hair is nothing like those liberal stereotypes.
kristen stewart really isn't a bad actress. you can watch her other movies to see she has a really decent perfomance. in regards to twilight, if you read the books, you'll notice how bland and socially awkward bella is. kristen actually nailed the role, to her demise for years to come
It's not her fault that *that* character and script were that shitty.
That Rami segment was amazing
“Your son is too cringe to live” lmao
Could've avoided it with a condom. All I'm sayin.
I KNOW RIGHT??
My man cosmonaut is low key banging his cute girlfriend, well done brother I'm proud of you.
Home girl is stacked!!!
i’m gonna say it: booboo stewart walked so tom holland could run, CHANGE MY MIND
What?
.
What's the most hilarious thing is both Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are very good actors. Stewart was in Zathura as the older sister and Pattinson was in Harry Potter. Both are great, these movies just fucking suck assholes
Very true.
Dude I love these videos so much. They need to watch Vampires Suck now.
I have wanted to get married to Turning page by Sleeping at last for a long time, but now I’m... concerned.
Zen die ah ????
The Twilight saga is beautiful.
Marcus getting exited about a team Charlie shirt brings me pure joy
KEVIN 👀
This is the definitive way to watch these movies